Dear Keta, what I have learned in 34 yrs of marriage

A letter in response to a friends question

 " What have you learned from being married?"

                                 Five Things I Have Learned Being Married

How do you sum up what one has learned in 33 plus years of marriage? Marriage is a tricky thing and I believe that is why it is the model that Jesus used to describe the church as His Bride. Being a bride is in one moment can be the most exciting and at the same time terrifying thing one experiences. Mostly because you truly are not “ in control”. Not that I am saying marriage is about one person controlling another but it is about the trust that is needed to allow someone to lead out. Yes my marriage is a partnership, we have an agreement. We do life together, first and foremost born out of a deep affection for one another.

LEARN THAT TRUST IS NON-NEGOTIABLE

We started as friends and that is where it will end. The best of friends, we know each others' deepest yuck and we still very much love each other and trust each other. That trust has been shaken I will not lie ,we have both, managed to hurt the other person. Most times that hurt has been unintentional. We have had to learn to nurture that trust.

LEARN TO LOVE WHAT THEY LOVE

I have learned to love what he loves even if I never thought I would. Much like when we learn to love Jesus we begin to love the things he loves ( the broken-hearted and lost for example) As I have spent time with my husband doing the things he loves, sometimes simply out of obedience to knowing that it is the  right thing to do, it is amazing what happens. We connect in new ways. The same can be said of him, not that I make him sit and watch chick flicks with me every night but he has been known to watch a good tear-jerker with me.

LEARN TO BE EACH OTHERS' BIGGEST FAN

The other thing I have learned that is essential is you must be each others' biggest fan. My husband has shown me that in a big way. He loves what I do and believes in my call maybe even more than I do some days. He cheers me on and kicks me in the butt when I am tired and feeling sorry for myself.

I too believe in him and know that he can do anything he puts his mind to. I want to see him live out his dreams.

LEARN TO APPRECIATE THEIR PERSONALITY

The other thing that has helped us tremendously is understanding each others' personality. We are both extraverts but that doesn’t mean I want to spend 24-7 with other people and my husband is sensitive to that for me and allows me to say no when need be. Because he is sensitive to me I am sensitive to him and there are times when I am tired and don’t really want to hang out with others but I die to myself and say yes!

LEARN MARRIAGE IS 100-100

The best advice someone gave us before we were married is that marriage is not a 50-50 proposition but it is 100-100. I must choose to give 100% without expecting anything in return. If we both think this way it is fun to see who can out give who. And one last thought -

KIND WORDS WORK WONDERS.

We never leave the house in the morning without a good bye kiss and the words          "I love you!"