Confessions Of A Five Year Pregnancy

            Confessions of a 5 year pregnancy 

              (or how to survive 4 kids in 5 years)

Tears streaming down my face, I sat in the parking lot of the doctor’s office, “how” oh “how” could it be, I was pregnant AGAIN? I already had 3 kids with the youngest being barely 6 months old. Ok, I knew “how” it happened, my husband and I really liked each other, but this was not in the plan. I was just 25yrs old and I had things I needed to do including finishing school and helping add to the family income.

My emotions were out of control and I felt overwhelmed, how was I going to handle one more child? Shame and guilt washed over me,both because what would people think and because I had a friend who all she wanted to be was pregnant and couldn't conceive. On top of that my husband was between jobs and I wasn't sure how we would even be able to pay the doctors’ bills.

“Ruth this is amazing I am so excited that God is adding to our family” my sweet husband reassured me with his strong arms wrapped around me.

At that moment I heard the voice of my savior “Do you trust me?”

This was certainly not the first time nor even the last time that I would NEED to trust God. I have heard that same voice over and over again through the years, always with love and compassion, never accusing or condemning. “Will you trust Me?” He waited patiently as I resolved to look to Him and not to what I knew or felt, that scary day in front of the doctor’s office.

There a few things that I have learned about trusting God over my years of being a mom. I know that there are more lessons to come, but being a mom has taught me some of the most valuable ones.

   Trust begins when we are at the end ourselves

      One of my life verses has been Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

Understanding is one of those things that actually get in the way of trusting God, now I am not telling you to check your brain at the door but honestly we have so much information coming in all the time that it can be overwhelming. In age of twitter, Facebook, instagram, pinterest and let us not forget the ever popular Google, where do we even begin?

“Home birth vs hospital birth”

“Home school vs Christian school vs public school”

“Vaccinate vs don’t vaccinate”

“Breastfed vs bottle fed”

 Information overload can be the enemy to the good that God wants to download to us. I googled motherhood and came up with about 31,500,000 results in about 0.52 seconds 

I am all for getting information to help us make wise decisions but we need to be in tuned to what  God wants us to do for our children. For me that day in the car my husband’s reassurance was an open door to listen to the one who loved me the most, Jesus. I needed to be still and know that God was in control.

I knew we would be ok I did not know “how” but I knew we would. I was at the end of what I “knew” which is the beginning of trust. We begin in a place of trust.

    Trust is based on what God says, not what I see

The thing about trust is, it is not about me. I am basically a trustworthy person but honestly I have let lots of people down, from my husband to my best friend and my children. Why? Because I am not perfect and never claimed to be, most of the time it has been unintentional but I still have let people down.

God on the other hand is worthy of our trust. He is good and he knows what is best for me. His promise is that he will never leave us or forsake us, this does not mean we won’t go through hard times but when we do he will be there walking right beside us. I know this because after 50+ years of following Jesus, He has never let me down. I have learned that He truly does have my best interest at heart. Oh it doesn’t always feel like it, but then I have also learned that trusting in my emotions over trusting in God is not always a good thing. Can you say “PMS” ?

   Trust is what brings me into intimacy with God

Years ago I heard the definition of intimacy as “Into me you see” All humans and women in particular want to be known. I have had opportunity to travel all over the world and I have yet to meet a woman who truly doesn’t desire to be known for who she is.

Trust for most of us can be a scary thing because in order to trust we need to be vulnerable. When I am vulnerable with God it opens up a dialog in which I can be my authentic self.  On the days when my authentic self is quite honestly ugly is when I feel the most loved. It is in those times when I trust God to enter into  my broken places, he comes in and heals those hurts.

Trust leads to opportunities

When we trust Him he opens doors that no man can shut. When we let go of our need for control, (I am still working on this one daily) He can take us where we need to go.

When I was in high school and college I had my life all planned out and it was a good plan to help people but it did not really include 4 kids in 5 years but if I had taken my path instead of the path God had for me I would not have these kids along with their spouses who God is using to change a generation. 

Proverbs 3:6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

Fast forward 27 years and I know that what I learned during my time as mom has set my course for what God is using me for today.

I learned how to be quiet in the midst of the chaos of 4 kids in 5 years. I learned that quiet time doesn’t need to be this crazy formula but needs to be intentional for my sanity and it became habit and I talk to God all the time and most times I even listen to His loving response.

 I learned that my accolades do not come from man (or child). My kids did not regularly thank me for wiping snotty noses, changing diapers, staying up all night with them when they had the flu, but they have all grown into amazing young adults who love God and love each other.

I learned that I will grow weary but my God is sufficient and will meet my needs when I am running on less than 4 hours of sleep. I have learned that though I grow weary in my body that I do not need to grow weary in doing well for others.

I learned that my circumstances do not need to dictate my feelings or emotions and that when I keep my eyes on Jesus, He works things together for his good and my good.

I learned to never ever to assume that I know it all.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
    don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
    he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all. Proverbs 3:5-6 MSG

                               and PS here is some of that fruit- Me and most of my grand-babies

Dear Keta, what I have learned in 34 yrs of marriage

A letter in response to a friends question

 " What have you learned from being married?"

                                 Five Things I Have Learned Being Married

How do you sum up what one has learned in 33 plus years of marriage? Marriage is a tricky thing and I believe that is why it is the model that Jesus used to describe the church as His Bride. Being a bride is in one moment can be the most exciting and at the same time terrifying thing one experiences. Mostly because you truly are not “ in control”. Not that I am saying marriage is about one person controlling another but it is about the trust that is needed to allow someone to lead out. Yes my marriage is a partnership, we have an agreement. We do life together, first and foremost born out of a deep affection for one another.

LEARN THAT TRUST IS NON-NEGOTIABLE

We started as friends and that is where it will end. The best of friends, we know each others' deepest yuck and we still very much love each other and trust each other. That trust has been shaken I will not lie ,we have both, managed to hurt the other person. Most times that hurt has been unintentional. We have had to learn to nurture that trust.

LEARN TO LOVE WHAT THEY LOVE

I have learned to love what he loves even if I never thought I would. Much like when we learn to love Jesus we begin to love the things he loves ( the broken-hearted and lost for example) As I have spent time with my husband doing the things he loves, sometimes simply out of obedience to knowing that it is the  right thing to do, it is amazing what happens. We connect in new ways. The same can be said of him, not that I make him sit and watch chick flicks with me every night but he has been known to watch a good tear-jerker with me.

LEARN TO BE EACH OTHERS' BIGGEST FAN

The other thing I have learned that is essential is you must be each others' biggest fan. My husband has shown me that in a big way. He loves what I do and believes in my call maybe even more than I do some days. He cheers me on and kicks me in the butt when I am tired and feeling sorry for myself.

I too believe in him and know that he can do anything he puts his mind to. I want to see him live out his dreams.

LEARN TO APPRECIATE THEIR PERSONALITY

The other thing that has helped us tremendously is understanding each others' personality. We are both extraverts but that doesn’t mean I want to spend 24-7 with other people and my husband is sensitive to that for me and allows me to say no when need be. Because he is sensitive to me I am sensitive to him and there are times when I am tired and don’t really want to hang out with others but I die to myself and say yes!

LEARN MARRIAGE IS 100-100

The best advice someone gave us before we were married is that marriage is not a 50-50 proposition but it is 100-100. I must choose to give 100% without expecting anything in return. If we both think this way it is fun to see who can out give who. And one last thought -

KIND WORDS WORK WONDERS.

We never leave the house in the morning without a good bye kiss and the words          "I love you!" 

 

 

Identity Crisis

Sticky honey ran down the pudgy fingers of the youngest child while older children munched on savory lamb kabobs and the adults enjoyed freshly made dolma , the family was enjoying a not so normal day in the countryside on a picnic. This was no ordinary Kurdish picnic they were entertaining a famous celebrity from the United States.

Sun kissed orange and yellow along with royal purple adorned the women of the group and the men were dressed in their proper army gear with AK 47s in tow. Today was an amazing day because they were not in fear for their lives, the US had engaged in the war in Iraq and Saddam Hussein had been captured and killed. The women brought out the tea as the men began in earnest to talk about what had been happening due, in part to the US engagement in their part of the world, (now before you quit reading, this is not a political blog by any means, no matter your opinion of the US involvement in that part of the world the men had some incredible wisdom. )

The host of a very popular food/travel show was the one being honored that day and he asked the question. "Will it ever be the same for the Kurds again in Iraq?"[ A very oversimplified history of the Kurds is this people group dates back over 4000 years and as of the last 100 yrs they have not had a country to call their own until now, where there is a tenuous new arrangement called Iraqi Kurdistan.]So when the host, Anthony Bourdain of Travel Channel's "No Reservations" asked that question the Kurdish man's answer absolutely rang true. His quiet reply was " Now we know our rights and we understand, we know our IDENTITY so it will be very hard for anyone to invade us again."

They now understood their rights and their identity and NO ONE would take that away from them. We as followers of Christ must do the same if we are to walk in freedom and wholeness. As I have spent numerous hours whether over coffee with a woman or teaching to thousands, my hearts cry has been for women and men to know who they are. To understand and grasp who the creator of the universe says they are. How when Father God looks at you he sees His sons character reflected in you. To have stamped on your heart an identity that no one can take from you. "To know your identity so it will be very hard for anyone to invade your mind again."

Standing in the lobby at church the vivacious blond ran up to me. "I get it I get it" she declared thru tears with joy written all over her face. She quickly went on to describe what life had been like the last several months as she began to grasp what God said about her and how it was becoming a reality. She had even been able to come off of  some of the medication that doctors had prescribed for her as the only hope to a serious mental illness. She no longer was allowing the lies she had believed about herself to dominate her thought life. She was beginning to embrace her new identity and no one could invade her thought life again. she understood what it meant in 1 Corinthians 2:16“Who has known the mind of the Lord  so as to instruct him?”

But we have the mind of Christ. (emphasis mine)

Just like the Kurdish man and my friend their Identity Crisis was over , they knew whose they were so they know who they were. AS in 1Peter 2:9

⁹ But you are a chosen people, set aside to be a royal order of priests, a holy nation, God’s own; so that you may proclaim the wondrous acts of the One who called you out of inky darkness into shimmering light.

I hugged my friend and promised to continued to pray for her she walked away head held high because she knew she was counted in a family that was chosen, beloved and cherished and nothing or no one could ever take that away from her.

Over a Cup of Coffee

The familar warmth  invaded my nose and soul, enveloping me as I entered my favorite coffee shop. I Ordered my usual and waited for my "appointment."  I sipped the hot beverage with a heavy heart. The young woman who I was meeting, was in the middle of a crisis, she had recently discovered her husband had decided she wasn't enough.

As the petite curly headed blond sat down across from me, her hands visibly shaking trying to hold onto the the warm cup, my heart ached. We sat for a moment as she gathered her courage to share her heartbreaking story with me. Her marriage of 8yrs was on the verge of crumbling.

She had questions and I prayed I would have some answers to comfort and encourage. I was not here as a marriage counselor, they had already begun that process. I was here to speak truth into a shattered soul. The truth only God can bring into these kinds of situations. The truth that says the God of the universe is crazy about you. He won't leave you He won't disappoint you and most importantly YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH.

Paul said it best "Long before he (God) laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son" Ephesians 1:4-6

Tears rolled down her face as I spoke these simple words. I prayed silently that they would pierce through her pain and straight into her heart." YOU ARE ENOUGH. When God looks at you He see your full potential, he sees everything you were created to be. He literally sees His son Jesus in you, and He was willing to give up His son so you would see the truth. It doesn't matter what others have said about you or done to you. It doesn't matter what you have done or said to yourself. He is madly, passionately in love with you."

I want to shout it from the mountain tops to anyone who will hear. God is crazy about you, because when you begin to believe it everything changes.

 My new friend finished her latte and as I hugged her good-bye I whispered. "You are more than enough because of HIM. "

“You never really know a man until you understand things from his point of view, until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”
Lee, Harper. To Kill a Mockingbird. J.B. Lippincott & Co., 1960

This past week I spent a few days in Cape Town South Africa, a city full of breathtaking beauty and heartbreaking sorrow. I went to be inspired and encouraged and to spend some time with 4000 other women attending the Hillsong Colour Conference for women. This fabulous event did inspire and challenge me even more to expand my heart to God's amazing love for his women around the world, but in the midst of the heart pounding worship and frenetic if not expectant crowds God gave me a glimpse into some inspiring lives as we sat and had tea!

Coffee/Tea is the equalizer of women. One of my dreams is to have coffee or tea with women all over the world, When we women sit together over this simple ritual, barriers no longer exist and a common sisterhood emerges. This trip I had several opportunities to sip exquisitely made lattes and cappuccinos, to sit in a fabulously decorated lobby of a grand hotel tasting wonderful Robois tea but my absolute highlight was the incredible privilege of being invited into the home of a women know as Auntie Baby. Auntie is an 83yr old colored woman who has lived her whole life in Cape Town South Africa.

Auntiebaby

Neatly kept small homes surrounded by gates greeted us as we entered the township of Ladismith, a couple of turns and we pulled in front of a small perfectly kept home. We were ushered in with hugs and kisses by several beautiful women. There were cousins, nieces and aunts and great nieces all speaking at once to one another, My friend Theresa who brought me explained that they had not seen each other in many years. Though I am not fluent in Africans ( in fact only know one word) I was keenly aware of what they were saying,, as all women of the world their conversation centered around how family was,who had gotten married, who had had babies and who had passed. As the pleasantries turned to a deeper conversation Auntie Baby prepared the tea and brought it out in her beautiful yellow and green tea set and served it with mouth watering homemade coconut  biscuits. It was at this point that they began to go between English and Africans so I picked up on the seriousness of the conversation.

Theresa and I

The history of South Africa and Cape Town in particular is not always a glorious one and there are several distinct classes of people.During the Apartheid Era blacks were evicted from properties that were in areas designated as "white only" and forced to move into segregated townships. Separate townships were established for each of the three designated non-white race groups (blacks, coloureds and Indians) These distinct classes still exists and unfortunately the coloureds are still marginalized.

My new friends were discussing the challenges that they faced with lack of education and the fact many young coloureds have little or no desire for change. These women had seen so much in their lifetime and could have easily come to the conclusion their job was done but discussion heated up as they discussed how things must change and the only way change could come would be for this generation to see how valuable they were and the only way was for them to realize they had purpose was through a relationship with Jesus. I could not help but think of the young women in the US who face a similar challenge. Women who do not understand how precious they are in God's eyes.

Humbled and honored to have been allowed into what I felt was a sacred circle of women that day, we left but not without Auntie Baby giving me a gift of a beautiful table cloth she had hand sewn, the gift will always be a treasure to me but the greatest gift of all was just for a moment I was allowed into her home and heart to hear and know that women truly are the same all over the world.

My friend Theresa let me know that more than likely I was the only white woman who had been into Aunties home. WOW tears still spring to my eyes as I know these are moments I will treasure for the rest of my life

The Cure

We have this amazing group of moms at City of Grace I have had the privilege of spending some time with the past few weeks.They are your next door neighbor, the woman across from you at the Starbucks counter,they may be in your PTA or the soccer mom who brought oranges to last weeks game. They are every mom and they are absolutely ordinary and they are doing extraordinary things for the God they love. They love one another and care for one another in such a way that if you looked up the word community in the dictionary I would not be surprised to see a picture of their group.

I have been spending time with this Group (Moms of the City) on a weekly basis to facilitate a study called "The Cure" by John Lynch, Bruce McNicol and Bill Thrall. It is a rewrite of a book that radically rocked my world about 10+ years ago. It put into words perfectly how I saw the precious gift of grace. With boldness the authors proclaim that not only can we live our life defined by Gods view of us, we must live out of that viewpoint. Any other way of thinking is counter to the Gospel of Jesus. When we live out of that definition we transform into the very image of the one who created us. We can reach into a hurting and dieing world and bring the Hope that is so desperately needed, with  authenticity and vulnerability

Our Moms of the City are learning to trust God and each other with who they are. They are real and vulnerable and they (just like all of us if we admit it) are coming with their "stuff." But because this group is a place of Grace they are finding safety to become who God says they are.I am so excited because this is the very heart of who God is for us and this is how we "Love People to Life"

This study is who we are as women at City of Grace. We are going to be offering this study on our Scottsdale campus in our women's Thursday evening lifegroup. It too is a group of women who welcome with open arms all the ordinary women who love an extraordinary God. Whether you are just beginning your journey with Jesus or you have known him for a long time you are welcome here. Come learn to trust God and others with who you really are.

For more info on the book and the group or to order the book and work book
http://store.truefaced.com/the-cure/